


Now or Never

by ofstormsandwolves



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s06e22 Partings, F/M, Family, Fix-It, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:36:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29961723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofstormsandwolves/pseuds/ofstormsandwolves
Summary: After the ultimatum, Lorelai makes a different decision. What does that mean for her and Luke? And what does that mean for everybody else?
Relationships: Luke Danes/Lorelai Gilmore
Comments: 24
Kudos: 22





	1. Bye Bye Lorelai

Now or never. Now. Or never. 

That was what she’d told Luke. Elope, or split up. 

She couldn’t wait any longer. She was ready; for marriage, for more kids, for everything that was supposed to come between the beginning and the end. And Luke had retaliated by talking about April, and fixating on how she’d gone to see Anna, and Lorelai _knew_ she shouldn’t have gone, but...

But none of that mattered. Not at that moment. It was now or never. What Luke gave as his answer would change everything between them.

Now.

Or never.

Everything was admittedly a bit of a fog. All Lorelai knew was that, less than two minutes later, she was walking away from it all.

* * *

It had been a long night. Lorelai Gilmore’s head was spinning, and she felt vaguely nauseous. Somewhere between the impromptu therapy session on her parents’ driveway and now, she had completely screwed up her life. Yet again. If there was one thing to be said about her, it was that she was consistently bad at keeping the men in her life.

She couldn’t help but mull over what Carolyn had said in the car, about how if she pushed Luke and he walked away then perhaps he wasn’t worth having. She desperately wanted to believe that, desperately wanted to have some semblance of finality to it all, to be able to turn around and say ‘fine’ and move on with her life. If she was willing to give Luke space and time to deal with April, if she was willing to take a back seat and push back the wedding a little while, or offer alternative wedding plans to ease the strain of a town-wide event, and he wasn’t even willing to meet her halfway then maybe she didn’t want him. 

She was done spending nights lying awake worrying if the postponed wedding would ever actually happen, or days feeling sick with worry and sadness at being banned from the diner because April was coming by. She was fed up with not being allowed into an integral part of her fiancé’s life, and of having to bite her tongue and smile so as not to hurt his feelings. And she was sick of feeling like she couldn’t tell him how she felt for fear of upsetting him or making him feel guilty. She shouldn’t have to tiptoe around, bottling up her feelings and putting on a happy face, just waiting for Luke to sort everything himself. She shouldn’t have to wait and hope for things to return to how they once were. She wasn’t Rose Alvarez, and this wasn’t _Bye Bye Birdie_. She was Lorelai Gilmore, damn it. Didn’t Luke know that?

But of course Luke knew that. And of course she couldn’t just let everything go, no matter what Carolyn Bates said. For years, there had been stolen glances and secret smiles between the pair of them, and Lorelai couldn’t just walk away from that. Luke had always been the one, she realised, the one she was supposed to be with. Years of serving her coffee and being there for Rory, fixing the house up and being a willing ear to listen to her troubles. He’d built her a damn chuppah for a wedding that never happened, and had painstakingly carved it by hand. He’d been there for her when her dad had his heart attack. He’d attended Rory’s graduation and helped her move into college, and tried to ban Dean from the diner after he and Rory broke up. How could she turn her back on all those things?

Lorelai’s feet had carried her through town to her house, and it was only then that she realised that she’d actually been parked outside the diner. She sniffled a little at that, feeling bone-weary and fed up, and decided that she’d deal with the lack of car tomorrow. Or whenever she could crawl out from under her duvet. 

Instead, she unlocked the door, shuffled inside, and half-heartedly greeted Paul Anka. The dog seemed to pick up on her low mood as he immediately retreated back to the chair he’d been dozing on and settled down. Lorelai herself dropped onto the sofa and sat in the silence for several long moments. 

What was she supposed to do now?

She looked around at the room. At the paint she and Luke had agreed on. At the furniture and photos they’d agreed to keep. It all felt a little too much. She forced herself to stand, and to head up the stairs. Paul Anka lifted his head, watched her go, but didn’t move to follow.

She just needed a good night’s sleep, Lorelai decided. It had been a long, emotional day. Things would look brighter in the morning, right?

But then she opened the doors to their new-and-improved master suite, stepped inside. The room looked mighty big with only one person to sleep in it. Pointedly trying not to dwell on it, Lorelai instead moved for the bathroom. She’d brush her teeth, fall into bed, and hopefully wake in the morning with a somewhat clearer head.

And that was when she was met with the his-and-hers sinks.

There was no more ‘his’. There was just a ‘hers’. One person didn’t need two sinks; that was ridiculous. No matter how much she’d joked to Rory when they were first installed that she could brush her teeth over one sink and spit into the other. It was insanely decadent. It was Emily-and-Richard-Gilmore decadent.

Suddenly there was only one thing clear in Lorelai’s mind; she couldn’t stay in the house a moment longer.

* * *

Lorelai did her best to look casual as she walked through the town in the dark, Paul Anka trotting along beside her. She couldn’t go another moment without her car, couldn’t be in the house and had nowhere else to go. She loved Sookie and Jackson, but she’d already inconvenienced them enough. Calling Rory was out, because of Logan leaving for London the following morning. All the rooms at the Dragonfly were booked, so she couldn’t camp out there. She was sure Miss Patty or Babette or someone would put her up for the night, but that would lead to questions, and questions would lead to gossip, and the last thing she needed was Taylor pulling the ribbons out again.

She had nowhere else to go. So instead she was going to pick up her car and drive around with Paul Anka until she was either too tired to see straight or she came up with a better alternative. 

She reached her car without being stopped by a single person, which was somewhat of a miracle seeing as there were still a few people out and about. She’d been forced to give polite smiles or waves to a few passers-by but nobody wanted to stop and talk. She glanced towards the diner as she let Paul Anka jump into the passenger seat, and saw a familiar blue baseball cap through the window.

The lights were on, but the diner was empty, and it was clear Luke was going through the nightly routine of locking up. His back was to the window, shoulders hunched and posture stiff, and Lorelai wondered if their conversation was playing on his mind the way it was hers. If he was having doubts, whether he felt as awful as she did or relieved that their disaster of a relationship was over. Was he considering how to tell April she wouldn’t be seeing Lorelai again? Or was he already planning the phone call to Anna to discuss having more visitation rights now his girlfriend was out of the picture? Did he still have that horoscope in his wallet? Would he come by the house and take the boat again without telling her? Would he finally buy the Twickham house and live in it with April and fill it with plants?

Luke was many things but he didn’t strike her as a plant person.

Inside the car, Paul Anka whined, snapping her from her thoughts. With a sniff, she moved round to the other side of the car and climbed into the driver’s seat. She drove away and didn’t look back.


	2. Gilmore vs Danes

Luke Danes was baffled and concerned.

He’d hardly slept the night before, tossing and turning and stressing. He’d hated the way he’d left things with Lorelai, hated how clearly miserable she was. Part of him stood by what he’d said; he had April to think about, and he wasn’t sure Anna would accept a quick elopement as proof of their solid relationship. In fact, it could cause more problems. What if she decided he was unprepared and incapable of having structure and order in his life? Eloping was a spur of the moment thing, it wasn’t planned, it wasn’t organised. It wasn’t the sort of thing that a committed father would do, was it?

He hated it. He hated it all. He hated that Anna had him jumping through hoops just to spend time with his own kid, he hated that she’d made him feel like the bad guy for having Lorelai help with the party even after Anna herself had hid April from him for twelve years. He hated Lorelai for giving him an ultimatum, to marry her immediately or never, and he hated himself for not realising just how awful his fiancée had been feeling about the whole thing.

 _God_. He’d spent all that time telling TJ how women don’t say what they mean, and how he had to read between the lines, and he hadn’t even noticed his own relationship unravelling at his feet.

What sort of man was he?

By sunrise Luke Danes knew what sort of man he was. He was the sort of man who got up and apologised to his girl for making her feel so unloved, and he was the sort of man who listened to her feelings and tried to understand where he’d gone wrong, but he was also the sort of man who did what was best for his daughter. Lorelai had been right, about what she’d said the night before. He needed to figure out how April fitted into _their_ lives. They were a couple, and April had to fit into both of their lives in the same way Rory did. That didn’t, however, mean he was alright with Lorelai demanding ultimatums, and he had to tread carefully if he were to keep both Lorelai and April in his life.

So he got up and showered and dressed. And he left Caesar to manage the breakfast rush and he jumped in his truck and drove to Lorelai’s.  
And that was why he was baffled and concerned. Lorelai was nowhere to be found.

She wasn’t at the inn, she wasn’t at Weston’s. Sookie and Michel hadn’t heard from her, and a phone call to Rory had yielded nothing either. When Luke finally let himself into the house, he found the bed hadn’t been slept in and Paul Anka was gone.

He felt sick.

Lorelai was gone. She’d taken Paul Anka and left. The last time she’d just up and vanished had been after she’d cancelled her wedding to Rory’s English teacher. She and Rory had gotten in the Jeep and just driven. They’d ended up touring Harvard and staying in some god-awful bed and breakfast Luke had had to spend ages listening to them complain about. Nobody had known where they were, and nobody had been able to contact them.

And with Lorelai’s phone going to voicemail, Luke realised that history was repeating himself. Swallowing thickly, he used the house phone to dial a familiar number.

“Rory? It’s Luke. We... We need to talk.”

* * *

Luke wasn’t entirely sure how it had happened. He’d explained the whole of his and Lorelai’s disagreement the night before to Rory over the phone, told her about the ultimatum and how Lorelai had walked away. And the next thing he knew, he was in his truck driving willingly towards the Gilmore home in Hartford.

Normally, he steered clear of the Gilmore mansion unless he absolutely had to go. Lorelai had her life and he had his, and she’d promised him she wouldn’t subject him to the weekly Gilmore dinners. But Rory had made it clear that this was one of the times he had to go; if Lorelai had disappeared, and if she’d been as upset as Luke thought she’d been, then it was definitely worrying that Rory hadn’t even heard from her.

Of course, Luke thought that the chances of Emily and Richard having any clue where she was were slimmer than the chances of snow in August. But the churning in his gut, and the concern in Rory’s voice, had compelled him to do what the youngest Gilmore demanded. Besides, Rory was driving from Yale to meet him there; it wasn’t like he’d be going in alone.

That didn’t calm his racing mind, or his churning gut, though and when he pulled into the drive of the Gilmore mansion the sight of Rory’s car just made things worse. He hopped out the truck and saw that Rory’s car was empty, indicating she’d gone in without him. Luke swallowed. He didn’t blame Rory for being perhaps a little mad at him, what with him somehow losing track of Lorelai, but still he hadn’t banked on having to wait on the Gilmores’ doorstep alone. Taking a deep breath, he rang the doorbell and waited.

There were muffled voices from the other side of the door, and moments later a meek maid was inviting him inside. Luke gave the woman a tight smile, having no idea if this current maid was one he’d met before or a brand new one yet to experience Emily Gilmore’s wrath. As Rory appeared from the sitting room, Luke gave her an uneasy smile.

“You’d better come sit down,” Rory said, voice cool as she approached him. “Grandma and Grandpa want you to explain what happened.”

“Ah.” Luke shifted uncomfortably at the news. “You didn’t fill them in?”

“I did,” Rory said, “but they want to hear it from you. They have questions.” She glanced towards Luke’s baseball cap. “And you should probably take that off.”

Quickly, he whipped the cap off, silently cursing himself for not thinking of leaving it in the truck. Then, he warily followed Rory back towards the sitting room.

“Luke,” Richard greeted tensely. The man was stood by the fireplace, a stern expression on his face that reminded Luke of being sent to the principal’s office as a kid.

“Mr Gilmore,” Luke replied, before nodding to a still-seated Emily. “Mrs Gilmore.”

Emily fixed him with an icy stare. “What’s this about Lorelai running off? Rory said you had an argument?”

“Uh, you could say that,” Luke began hesitantly. He chanced a glance at Rory, but from her folded arms and blank expression it became clear he wasn’t going to be getting any help from her. He moved further into the room, squinting at the sofa for a moment before deciding he should probably remain standing. “Lorelai came to the diner last night after your dinner, asked me to elope with her.”

Emily and Richard shared a look at that.

“I see.” Richard’s voice was steady, emotionless. “And what did you say?”

“Well, I asked her what she was thinking,” Luke said with a frown. “I mean, we’d agreed to postpone the wedding, and sure, we’d talked about eloping in the past, but I hadn’t thought it was a serious option. I thought we were talking hypothetically, the way you do sometimes. You know, wouldn’t it be fun to do something, wouldn’t it be great to just go and do this thing at the drop of a hat? But I didn’t think...” He shook his head. “And Lorelai started saying how we’d waited long enough, and she was tired of waiting, and wouldn’t things be better if we just eloped?”

“Well,” Emily said, a slightly bitter tone to her voice, “Lorelai has always been spontaneous.”

Luke twisted his baseball cap in his hands. “Things have been difficult with Anna because she was worried April would get attached to Lorelai and then things would fall through. I was dealing with it, though, and I thought Lorelai knew that. But suddenly she’s standing there telling me she went and talked to Anna without my permission, and saying how Anna said she’d be fine with April spending time with Lorelai once we were married. I mean... I didn’t know she’d gone to see Anna, don’t know why she’d think that was a good idea, but she did it and she got it in her head that eloping would solve all our problems.”

As he spoke, Luke became aware of how Rory shifted uneasily at the mention of Lorelai going to see Anna, and when he glanced over at her, her gaze skittered away. He felt frustration rise in his chest as it dawned on him.

“You knew.”

Rory’s head shot up at that, looking at her almost-step-father with wide eyes.

“You knew about Lorelai going to see Anna.”

“I didn’t,” Rory admitted slowly. “But I...” She sighed. “I went to see her first. Mom wouldn’t go, but I’d found out where Anna’s store was, thought we could scope her out. Mom was furious with me, though, and said I shouldn’t have gone. I guess she changed her mind after April’s birthday.”

“Why?” Emily demanded. “What happened during April’s birthday?”

Luke sighed. “It’s nothing-” 

“Mom helped Luke throw the party and Anna got annoyed when she found out Mom had been at the birthday sleepover, because they hadn’t met. After that, Mom didn’t get to spend much time with April.” 

“Oh.” Emily said, blinking.

Over by the fireplace, Richard frowned. “You mean to say that Lorelai isn’t permitted to get to know her own step-daughter?”

Shifting uneasily, Luke shrugged. “Well, she’s spent time with April-”

“Not much, by the sounds of it.” Emily frowned then too. “Perhaps you should get a lawyer. Clearly your daughter’s mother is being unreasonable.”

“Anna’s not being-”

“Yes,” Richard nodded furiously at his wife, moving forward. “We know several wonderful lawyers who could help...”

Luke threw a panicked glance to Rory then, hoping for her to intervene before he got roped into paying thousands of dollars to some guy in a suit. Rory let out a quiet sigh and cleared her throat.

“Grandpa, before you start giving Luke the numbers of what I’m sure to be several very good lawyers, maybe we should focus on the fact none of us can get hold of Mom?”

Richard’s face fell then, as he recalled just why Luke was at the house in the first place. “Right. Yes. Luke, I believe you were explaining the disagreement you and Lorelai had last night?”

Blinking, Luke racked his brains to recall any information he had not yet shared. “Uh. Yeah. Well, after I found out Lorelai had gone to see Anna, I needed time to think, you know? Lorelai going to see her could cause all sorts of problems, and if I then also told Anna that we’d eloped, it could just add fuel to the fire. She could end up painting me or Lorelai as a bad example, say that she doesn’t want April around us. I needed time to process what was going on.”

“And what did Lorelai think of that?” Richard’s voice was still steady, but it was calculating, and he was staring at Luke with such intensity that the younger man wasn’t sure he liked it.

“She didn’t like it. She said I needed to work out how April fitted into _our_ lives, not how she fitted into mine and April’s.” He sighed again. “And I get that. I do. I know what she means. But... She was pushing me, and she was telling me how she was so sick of waiting and how it was now or never, and I had to make a choice there and then...” He broke off, took a breath, looked to Richard and Emily with imploring eyes. “I had April to think about. I couldn’t just make a decision without weighing up the risks.”

“You told Lorelai that?” Emily asked, tone cool and expression cooler. “You told her that she was a risk? Something to be weighed up, to be considered with trepidation?”

Luke’s stomach churned, much like it had on the drive there. This wasn’t going well. “No, I-”

“Because I may not agree with all of Lorelai’s life choices,” Emily pressed on loudly, “including her choice to date you. But my daughter is _not_ a risk. Yes, she may be impulsive and stubborn, but I’ve seen the way she looks at you and I know that she cares very deeply for you. To suggest that you could do better-”

“I never said I could do better!” Luke interrupted loudly, before his eyes went wide as he realised what he’d done.

Emily and Rory both surveyed him with a surprised look, and Richard frowned a little.

“Emily’s right, you know,” he said, voice low. “You couldn’t do better than Lorelai. And while I’m glad to hear that you seem to agree, I must say I’m none too happy with how you speak about Lorelai’s actions. I understand that she can be stubborn; I am her father, after all. But I don’t like the insinuation that my daughter should have to ask permission to speak to her step-daughter’s mother.” He shook his head, began to pace. “Discussing it with you first, yes. But she shouldn’t need permission to reach out and try to build a connection in order to make things easier for your child. And while I’m talking about things I don’t like, I must say that I do not like the fact that Lorelai is being expected to jump through hoops for the mother of your daughter while you seem to be doing nothing to stop it.”

Luke growled. “I’ve spoken to Anna, she won’t budge! If I push any further, I could lose April altogether!” 

“Then you fight her.” Richard fixed Luke with a glare, jaw tight. “But you do not allow this woman to come in and dictate yours and Lorelai’s relationship, and you certainly do not blame my daughter for being frustrated and trying to fix the situation. Lorelai is your fiancée, and while I understand your concerns about seeing your daughter, you surely cannot be happy with having to keep your family apart? It is time for you to toughen up and stand up for yourself.”

Luke didn’t quite know what to say to that, and apparently neither did Rory. There was a heavy silence for several long moments, Richard still clearly quietly frustrated, and Emily glaring at Luke in such a way he was surprised flames didn’t shoot from her eyes.

“Well,” Emily said after a long pause, “this certainly isn’t helping us track down Lorelai. Perhaps it’s time to call the police.”


	3. Desperately Seeking Lorelai

Luke could do nothing but pace while Emily was on the phone to the police. A tense atmosphere had settled over the room, Richard still quietly stewing while Rory avoided all eye contact with Luke. From the hallway they could hear Emily’s voice as she explained the situation to the police.

“-since last night. She was quite upset, and nobody can get hold of her, including her daughter... What do you mean ‘is that unusual’? Of course it’s unusual! Weren’t you listening to me? I want to speak to somebody who can actually hear, thank you...”

When the call was finally over and Emily returned to the room, everybody looked up expectantly. But Emily’s face was drawn, a small frown on her face and her lips pursed.

“They’re sending out some units to look for her,” she told them, clearly displeased, “but apparently they don’t see it as a priority. They said they’d be in touch.” She frowned then, and eyed Luke in what could only be described as disdain. “I should have known something like this would happen. After what happened at the real estate office...” She shook her head.

Luke frowned in confusion, shooting Rory a look and realising she was just as baffled as he was. “Real estate office?”

“Lorelai didn’t tell you?” Emily shrugged. “I can’t say I’m surprised, given what’s happened and how you’ve been treating her. If you must know, Richard and I were going to buy the pair of you a house. As a wedding gift. When I informed Lorelai of this, at the real estate office, she burst into tears and told me that there wasn’t going to be a wedding.”  


She moved to sit down, but continued speaking as she took a seat on the couch. “Now, normally I’d assume it was simply my daughter being dramatic, or getting cold feet. It wouldn’t be the first wedding she’s called off. But, as much as Lorelai likes to pretend otherwise, I do in fact know my own daughter. And I knew that the wedding not going ahead was nothing to do with her giving up or running scared. It wasn’t that she’d grown bored of you, it wasn’t that she no longer wished to be married. She wasn’t the reason the wedding wouldn’t happen.” She fixed Luke with a look. “She was heartbroken. _You_ did that to her.” 

A heavy silence embraced the room then, lasting for several long moments. Emily’s eyes were suspiciously damp as she glared at Luke, and the man shifted uncomfortably.

“Do you have any idea how painful it is to see your child cry like that and not be able to do a damn thing to help them?”

Emily’s question hung in the air, stifling and uncomfortable, and Luke ducked his head. There was no answer needed, Emily Gilmore was not looking for excuses or reasoning. There was no possible way to respond.

“Maybe I should have a drive around,” Rory suggested then, “check out a few coffee shops. Mom might be around, or on her way back from somewhere.”

“That could work,” Richard agreed slowly. “Of course, we can keep trying her phone, too. Are we certain she hasn’t called the inn? Perhaps phoned in sick, or given some indication of being gone for a while?”

Rory sighed. “I mean, I could phone and ask, but when I spoke to Sookie earlier she said she’d call the moment she or Michel heard anything.”

“Should we be checking the hospitals, maybe?” Emily looked quite concerned at that thought. “I could phone Madeline Hertzberg. Her son’s a doctor at the ER, perhaps I could find out if she’s been brought in?”

“Well, we don’t know that she’s been injured, Emily,” Richard soothed quickly as a concerned look flitted across Rory’s face to match her grandmother’s. “Although it doesn’t hurt to check.”

Feeling very left out, Luke cleared his throat then. “What do you want me to do? I mean, I could go back to Stars Hollow, ask around to see if anyone’s seen her. Or I could stay here, help out-”

“That won’t be necessary,” Richard said quickly. “I think you’ve done enough damage for one day. Perhaps you should just get back to your diner?”

Luke bristled. “Lorelai’s my fiancée, I want to help.”

“Then perhaps you should have started helping her long before now.” Richard’s face was clouded in anger as he moved towards Luke. “From what you’ve told me today, you’ve been keeping Lorelai out of a very important part of your life. You pushed her away and ignored the pain you were causing her. You haven’t allowed her to be in your family, around your own daughter.” He stopped just in front of Luke. “As someone who has experienced something very similar, let me tell you that it _hurts_. Lorelai loves you very dearly; Emily and I have seen that. For you to do that to her, refuse to allow her to be there for your daughter the way you’ve been there for Rory... Well, I’ll admit I’m not surprised she walked away from you. Now, I would like you to leave. We’ll be in touch, should we hear anything.”

A glance to Rory assured Luke that he was on his own as she refused to meet his gaze. And so, with a sigh, he did as he was asked.

* * *

Rory left not long after Luke did, and the next few hours passed by in a relative unease for Emily and Richard. A few phone calls had been put into friends who had children and grandchildren working in various hospitals, spas, and businesses Lorelai might have ended up in, but none of the calls yielded any information. Periodic phone calls and increasingly desperate voicemails to Lorelai’s cell got no response. Eventually, Emily found that she simply had to do something to occupy her mind, and moved upstairs to sort through some paperwork she’d brought home from her last DAR meeting. Richard was already ensconced in his study, claiming to be reading although Emily doubted he was able to focus.

Truthfully, she hadn’t expected to be able to focus much either. But she soon became quite engrossed in the latest acquisitions for the DAR, and it was only Richard’s voice that startled her from her thoughts.

“Emily? Emily!”

At the sound of Richard’s calling voice, Emily hurried down the stairs. She reached the bottom just in time to hear Richard thanking a police officer and ushering an exhausted-looking Lorelai into the foyer, her energetic dog padding after her.

“Lorelai! Where have you been? You’ve had us worried sick!” Emily frowned at her daughter in concern, taking in the tired eyes and the pale face. She was wearing the same dress she’d worn to dinner the night before, except now it was hopelessly crumpled. “We even reported you missing!”

Lorelai shrugged, eyes skittering away. Her arms were wrapped around herself, as though she were protecting herself from something. “Gee, that’s why that nice policeman insisted on escorting me here. I was hoping he was a stripper.”

Rolling her eyes at her daughter’s comments, Emily instead steered her towards the sofa. “We’ve been so worried! Luke was here- we sent him away of course, but not before a stiff talking to-”

“Luke was here?” Lorelai interrupted, a panicked expression crossing her features then even as she was pushed down onto the sofa. 

“He was,” Richard said gruffly, moving towards the drinks cart. “I must admit, I was rather rude to him. But then, I’m not exactly in a forgiving mood considering he upset my daughter.” He began to mix some drinks.

“We should call Rory,” Emily said suddenly. “Let her know you’re safe.”

She hurried for the phone then, leaving Lorelai sat on the sofa feeling a little lost. Paul Anka stood by her feet, eyeing his surroundings a little uncertainly and occasionally looking to his owner for reassurance. Several moments passed, the only sounds the sloshing of cocktails and the distant phone conversation Emily was having. Then, a martini was shoved into Lorelai’s hands and Emily had returned, and the youngest Gilmore in the room blinked in surprise.

She stared into her martini for a good few seconds, only vaguely registering her parents’ voices around her as they too sat down.

“Why aren’t I going to get my middle?”

Her voice cut through the talking like a knife through one of Sookie’s amazing desserts, and both Emily and Richard looked to their daughter with a frown.

“I beg your pardon?” Emily asked, confused.

“Why aren’t I going to get my middle?” Lorelai repeated, forlorn and voice slightly shaking. “You know, my _middle_.” Tears were welling in her eyes and there was a tremble in her hands that she tried to ignore. “Everyone gets a, a beginning, and a middle, and an end in life. And, and, everyone gets that in a family too.” 

Her voice started to rise, and her parents stared at her, bewildered. 

“I’ve had _my_ beginning, I’ve got Rory. And hey, I’m not old and grey yet so there’s still a good chance I’ll get my end rather than dying alone. But I don’t _want_ just the beginning and the end. I want the middle. I, I want the years-long marriage, and more kids, and family vacations and going to ball games and parent-teacher conferences with my husband. I want to watch my family grow up, with someone by my side, so that when I get to my end I can sit there and say ‘hey, we had a good life, didn’t we?’ I want someone to share all this stuff with, and I thought that was gonna be Luke.” She broke off suddenly, took a breath. Then, quietly: “I really... I thought it was Luke.”

“Lorelai,” Richard said then, voice low and serious and sad, “there’s nothing to say you won’t get that middle.”

She sniffed, and took a gulp of martini, ignoring the tears suddenly slipping down her cheeks. “Yes there is, Dad. There _is_ something to say I won’t get that middle. _Luke’s_ saying it. He... He doesn’t want me. He doesn’t want me, and I don’t understand why! I don’t understand why, and there’s no way for me to fix things, because he doesn’t... He doesn’t want to talk! He won’t let me in, won’t let me see April or visit the diner when she’s there, and he doesn’t want my input, and he doesn’t want to get married, and-” She sucked in a breath, her chest tight and hands shaking. “He _doesn’t want me_ , Dad!”

A sudden silence fell over the room, and Lorelai was vaguely aware that her voice had grown louder and louder as she’d ranted. Cheeks burning and tears falling from her eyes, she sniffed and avoided her parents’ gaze. Then, uncertainly, Emily moved to seat herself beside her daughter. The movement was stiff, almost unnatural, but the elder woman brought her arm up around Lorelai’s shoulders and tucked her into her side. Blinking in surprise, Lorelai looked to her mother, and was surprised to see a concerned, sad expression on her face. A glance to her father assured her he was wearing much the same expression.

She’d seen them look sad and concerned plenty of times, of course, usually because of something she’d done. But something told Lorelai that it was different this time. Still a little uncertain, she settled into Emily’s side, trying to recall the last time she and her mother had sat like that. Not for years, certainly. Probably not since Lorelai had been a little girl.  


She swallowed thickly at that and instead breathed in the scent of her mother’s perfume. She didn’t want to think right now. About anything.

* * *

Of course, peace in the Gilmore household only lasted so long. It was a little more than ten minutes later that the doorbell was ringing frantically and the latest maid was scurrying to answer it. Only a few seconds later, Rory had clattered into the room, stopping short as she took in the solemn look on her grandfather’s face, and the way Emily had her arm wrapped around Lorelai’s shoulder.

“Mom?” Rory swallowed a little at the sight.

All she could think was that, had she thought it was bad when she’d been called home by Sookie when Luke and Lorelai had broken up after the vow renewal, she’d been mistaken. She’d happily take her mom sobbing in her bed in her pyjamas over the current view in front of her. Lorelai’s dress was crinkled, and looked more suited to a Gilmore dinner than a quick getaway, or whatever you called what Lorelai had done, and her mom’s tear-stained face was nestled in the crook of Emily’s neck. A half-empty martini glass sat on the coffee table, likely prised from Lorelai’s hands at some point, and Paul Anka lay morosely at her feet.

Rory met Emily’s eyes with concern, wondering quite how to phrase her question.

“Rory,” Richard spoke up then. “Could I have a quick word?”

She nodded, allowing her grandfather to draw her away. He led her through the dining room to the kitchen, and it was only when the door was shut behind them that he let out a sigh.

“As you can gather, your mother isn’t in particularly good shape. She was delivered back here by a police officer.” He frowned. “I never thought I’d be so relieved to see Lorelai on the doorstep with a police officer by her side.”

“Mom was here for dinner last night, right?” Rory asked then. “Did she... I mean, is she wearing the same clothes you last saw her in?”

Richard took a moment to answer. “Yes,” he admitted at last. “And it didn’t escape our notice either. While I know that your grandmother has issues with how she dresses at times, Lorelai has never been so uncaring about her appearance as to show up here two days in a row wearing the same clothes.”

Rory knew that her mother usually wouldn’t give Emily the satisfaction of that. It worried her, that Lorelai had seemingly not even gotten changed out of the previous day’s clothes.

“Well, do you know if she’s slept? I mean, where did she go? Has she told you?”

Richard heaved out another sigh. “You know as much as we do, I’m afraid. Your mother was quite upset once we let slip Luke had been here. She kept saying how she wanted ‘a middle’.”

“A middle?” Rory echoed.

“Yes. Apparently, you get a beginning, a middle, and an end in life, and your mother is quite afraid she’s going to miss her middle. The long marriage, the reassurance of a familiar presence...” Richard purposefully didn’t mention what else Lorelai had talked about, like children.

It was Rory’s turn to sigh. “Well, maybe I could talk to her? Find out where she’s been, if she needs to eat or rest or something.”

“Very well,” Richard nodded. “I’ll see if I can coax your grandmother away, distract her while you and Lorelai have a talk.”

Rory managed a small smile at that, before taking a deep breath and following Richard from the room.

* * *

“How far did you get?” Rory asked.

Richard had indeed been able to lure Emily away, suggesting they gave Lorelai and Rory some time alone. Emily hadn’t been impressed at first, but had quickly caught on to the fact her granddaughter might be able to coax some more information out of her daughter regarding her whereabouts, and had relented.

“Springfield,” Lorelai admitted quietly. Her shoes were off, feet tucked up underneath her on the couch as she hugged a scatter cushion to herself.

That made Rory frown. Perhaps her mother not changing her clothes didn’t mean much. Perhaps she’d slept in them, then woken up early and gone for a drive. “Oh. I thought you’d have gone further than that. I mean, Massachusetts isn’t all that far-”

“Springfield, Virginia,” Lorelai clarified then, voice still toneless.

“Huh.” Rory nodded slowly at the news. “Well, at least it wasn’t Ohio!”

Lorelai didn’t react. Rory surveyed her with a frown.

“Well, uh, Virginia’s a good few hours. Did you get any sleep at all? Because I’m sure Grandma and Grandpa won’t mind if you want to go have a lie down?”

“I slept,” Lorelai said with a shrug.

She didn’t elaborate, and Rory had to take a breath to stop herself from getting too irritated. Her mom was going through a lot; she had to bear that in mind. No matter how annoying the short, toneless answers were.

“Where? And did you eat?”

“In the car. I wasn’t hungry.”

Rory sighed. “Mom. You have to eat. And you can’t have slept well in the Jeep.”

No answer, again, so the younger woman changed tactics.

“How exactly did you end up getting escorted back by a police officer, anyway? Did he drive you all the way back from Virginia? First class service? Were there roadblocks and everything?”

The attempt at humour was met with a blank stare from Lorelai, who seemed to take several moments to process what was being said to her. That’s what sleeping in the Jeep got you, Rory thought.

“No. I pulled over to sleep sometime around half four, I guess,” Lorelai admitted after a painfully long pause. “Next thing I know, some cop is knocking on my window telling me to move along. I guess I went into autopilot, I just started heading back to Connecticut. Maybe it was tiredness, maybe I’m part homing pigeon, who knows. But I’d just got back into Connecticut when I was pulled over. Apparently I was a missing person. He said he was gonna escort me here.”

Rory frowned a little at that, but as she took in the dark circles beneath her mom’s eyes, as well as her pale face and tight shoulders she realised that the police officer had probably escorted her back to avoid her getting in some sort of accident on the way.

“Well,” Rory said then, forcing a smile onto her face to hide her worry, “I am very glad you’re part homing pigeon, because I was worried sick about you.”

“Have you spoken to Luke?” Lorelai asked then.

“No. But I should probably call. Grandma and Grandpa sent him back to the diner. I’ll need to call Sookie and Michel too.” Rory scrutinised her mother for a moment. “You’ll be alright here for a few minutes while I make the calls?”

“Sure, hon,” Lorelai shrugged. “I’ll try not to wander off.”

Rory could only stare for a moment before reluctantly peeling herself away from her mother. She had some calls to make.


End file.
